(Let's pretend this was all an elaborate marketing strategy implemented to build anticipation. We're sorry, and thank you for taking this wild journey with us.)


(This email ACTUALLY ACTUALLY contains the Fake D)


...


ATTENTION LIBRARY PATRONS (and class-goers and wilderness explorers and anyone else who happens to find themselves in Hanover on this truly glorious day)

We interrupt your Week 6 to tell you that the moment you've all been waiting for is finally here. We know you've been tossing and turning, counting down the hours and minutes and seconds, staring longingly out of windows, but you can finally put your gentle hearts at rest because...


AN ALL-NEW ISSUE OF THE DARTMOVTH* HAS ARRIVED!
*Dartmouth's Favorite Newsparody (TM) (This is not the D) (although they do some excellent work)

[cid:95331756-4321-4baf-9cd7-ab45ad185d7a]


FEATURING PREMIUM CONTENT SUCH AS:
    - Foco Door is Heavy
    - Frat Dogs Haze Frat Puppies
    - South House Secedes
    - Dartmouth Institutes New Mens Studies Department
    - KAF Disaffiliates From National Bakery
    - and so much more!


HARD COPIES are being released ALL ACROSS CAMPUS YOU, MY DARLING, OH SPECIAL ONE, are receiving an ~EXCLUSIVE~ digital copy on this email!

Have a lovely day ;)

Love,
The Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern