Ah, campus--Thanksgiving. A time of cheer, festivities, and reunions. But like all great things, Thanksgiving must come to an end, which is why effective immediately, the Jack-O-Lantern has declared the permanent cancellation of Thanksgiving, and the proclamation of Fuck You Fred Heatherton-Day, a holiday dedicated to our hatred of Fred Heatherton, that asshole who ate our roast beef sandwich out of the fridge, even though we clearly wrote "DO NOT EAT (I'M LOOKING AT YOU FRED)".

Like you even needed another sandwich, you fat jerk! With your pudgy cheeks and large paunch...Oh, we hate you so much Fred! We hate you so much we destroyed a perfectly good holiday and invented a new one in its place.

Damn you Fred! Damn you and your large paunch to Hell for stealing our roast beef sandwich! And especially damn your catch-phrase, "My goodness, I simply am famished for a toothsome roast beef sandwich!"

Okay...Well look, Fuck You Fred Heatherton-Day will be held this Wednesday, all day. Celebrate any way you want, so long as it involves shunning Fred Heatherton.

Thank you and Good Night.

(Also a new, damn fine weekly--one of our last of the term!).

===
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~jacko
===
FEATURING:

"Joke Pirate" - A Comic by Julie Fiveash '13
"Impractical Animal Clothing" - by Alex Procton '15
"Neverheards" by Matt Garczynski '14
"How to Argue" by Frederico Zanfillion '11
"Ham Sandwich Birthday Bus" by Mitchell Jacobs '14