I'll start:
Have you seen this man? Larry Jones (last seen in 1872) is missing
and believed to be at large in the Upper Valley. Authorities
describe jones as "Unarmed and adorable, but potentially
delusional." Mr. Jones believes, among other things, that his
"magic tuba" has the ability to drive locusts and other pests out of
hay fields. If you see him, please notify Carole Blake at www.uvcb.org.
-DM