It's too bad the Claris God never paid enough attention to all the other
Gods there were always 2 steps ahead!

 

Best Regards,

Dan Kelly

Yachtlink Engineering Inc.

1 954 663 1630

 

From: FileMaker Pro Discussions [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Richard S. Russell
Sent: April 22, 2013 23:47
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: A Parable

 

I originally published this on my blog back on 2008 March 19, recently ran
across it, and figured it might still be good for a chuckle among long-time
FileMaker users:

 

= = = = = =

 

Most of my writing is of essay length and either didactic or expostulatory.
However, every now and again I take off on a little flight of fancy and gin
up something that might be called "creative writing". Recently I was struck
by just such a mood in responding to a question on a discussion list devoted
to FileMaker Pro, a particular piece of computer software I use a lot. It
was well received there, so I thot I'd share it here.

Before launching into my little parable, you should be aware that Claris was
originally the application-software arm of Apple Computer. It was eventually
spun off into a wholly owned subsidiary. At that time, it still published
Claris Works, Claris Write, and Claris Draw, among others. But its principal
cash cow was its database manager, FileMaker Pro.

After a few more years, Claris severed its links to Apple, dropped
everything else in its product line, and concentrated on FileMaker. In
recognition of this, it changed its corporate name to FileMaker Inc. (FMI).

And now, the story. 

= = = = = =

Once upon a time didst the great god Claris smile upon his chosen people,
and deliver up unto them a database manager. It was fair of mien, and easy
of use, and flat of file.

And the people didst use it, and were content.

But there arose a voice from the scoffers (for the scornful are with us in
every generation), saying, "But, Lord Claris, I have made me a house, and in
the house are many cupboards, and in the cupboards are many shelves, and
each shelf holds 1 thing of a particular kind, and 1 thing only. But I have
several things of a particular kind which I wish to place upon this shelf,
and I know not what to do. Canst thou not aid thy humble supplicant?"

And Claris didst frown and furrow and, after a time, spake thusly: "Thou
raisest a good point. Let me ponder upon't som'at and we shall see what we
shall see."

And a silence fell upon the land.

Bye and bye didst Claris return and summon the attention of his chosen
people, and thus he spake: "Ahem. I have just returned from Cabo San Lucas,
where I have been cavorting, ah, consorting with my fellow deities, and the
consensus among them was this, that I should employ the type of miracle that
is known among us, the gods of software, as a 'kludge'. And so it is, my
loyal followers, that I grant thee the ability of the magic touch. Thou
mayest touch any shelf in thy cupboards and utter the magical imprecation
'repeating field', and -- lo! -- that shelf will hold not merely 1, nor 2,
nor 3 things of a particular kind, but literally hundreds, if thou so
wishest."

And the people drew back in awe and went "Oooh", and "Aaaah", and "Wow", and
"Way cool".

And the people didst use it, and were content.

And Claris looked down upon his work and saw that, if it was not precisely
what you'd call "good", it faked it pretty well.

There passed, in the realm of the gods, an eon (which, to the limited mind
of mortal man, was known as "a coupla years"). And during this eon, Claris
didst grow in wisdom, and stature, and power, and functionality, and focus.

And when he spake again to his people he said, "Behold! I am thy god Claris,
but I have grown in wisdom, stature, power, functionality, and focus, in
token whereof I have taken unto myself a new name. Henceforth I shall be
known as 'Fmi'. And in honor of this occasion, I have decided to grant thee,
my loyal followers, a great new boon. Behold: RELATIONALITY!"

And the great god Fmi stretched forth his hand, and from his fingertips
sprang forth a dazzlement of light, shining so brightly that all men averted
their eyes from its glory and majesty. And when their vision had adjusted to
the newborn eminence glowing in their midst, the people drew back in awe and
went "Oooh", and "Aaaah", and "Wow", and "Way cool".

But there arose a voice from the scoffers (for the scornful are with us in
every generation), saying, "But, Lord Claris, I mean Fmi, what about
built-in E-R diagrams, and multiple tables in a single file, and ..."

"SILENCE!" thundered Fmi. "Ingrates! Showest thou me first that thou canst
handle relationality in temperance and in wisdom, then we shall speak of
further boons that I might bestow upon thee."

And a murmuring arose among the gathered faithful, along the lines of
"Dude's got a point, man" and "Yeah, yeah, I suppose".

And the very wisest amongst the chosen didst soon discover that anything
that could be done with repeating fields could be done even better with the
new miracle of relationality, and, moreover, that with the magical
implements newly provided by Fmi, they couldst convert all of the old
repeating fields to shiny new relational files. And so they did, and never
looked back, and thus were not turned into pillars of salt.

And Fmi looked down upon his work and saw that, if it was not precisely what
you'd call "good", it wasn't half bad.

There passed, in the realm of the gods, several eons (which, to the limited
mind of mortal man, was known as "about a decade"). And during these eons,
Fmi didst continue to periodically bestow additional blessings upon the
chosen ones, in return for which he asked only the annual sacrifice of a few
hektobux, which all concerned agreed was meet and proper and not a bad price
for what you got.

And it came to pass in those days that Fmi determined him to put forth a
great compendium of all the boons he had bestowed upon his people, that they
might be suitably impressed with how spiffy he was. And so he issued his
compendium, which he called the Holy Book of Manuality, and gave of it
freely to his people.

But there arose a voice from the scoffers (for the scornful are with us in
every generation), saying, "Hey, what's this stuff about repeating fields?
What are they good for?".

And Fmi, in his wisdom and patience, explained "Look there, right there on
the next page in the Holy Book of Manuality, and thou shalt see examples of
the utility of repeating fields, how they may be used of a thusness, and a
suchness, and a soness."

And the scoffers didst indeed look, and determined they them that the
principal organizing characteristic of the aforesaid examples was the
halfness of their assedness, and they didst exclaim "Dude! Weak."

Whereupon Fmi drew himself up with righteous indignation and spake thus: "It
is true that not all of the boons and benefits I have granted thee are of
equal quality, value, and utility, but each has its place in the firmament.
And besides, needst I remind thee of the great covenant which I entered into
with thee, my chosen people, a covenant signified by my placing upon the
skies the symbol of the rainbow labelled 'Backward Compatibility'? For I,
Fmi, am a benign and generous god, and I wouldst fain not retract from thee
any boon or benefit which I have previously granted, lest there be weeping,
and wailing, and gnashing of teeth at its absence."

But there arose a voice from the scoffers (for the scornful are with us in
every generation), saying, "Oh, yeah? What about the 'Save' button in
ScriptMaker dialogs?".

"Hmphf," quoth Fmi. "Let us speak of this anon." And he turned away to
repair again to his cave, wherein he would ponder and frown and think
Profound Thots.

And as he did so, another voice arose, saying "And what about that
tab-numbering interface? We've been waiting on that for a couple of epochs
now."

"La la la la la," quoth Fmi. "La la la la la. Not LIStening to you."

So concludeth today's reading.