Greetings, mortals.

You're probably wondering what sick higher power of consciousness decided to suspend winter for the past two days. What omnipotent psychopath ruined the ice and snow of winter carnival?? 

It's me, earth fiends. 

IT IS I, HER HOLINESS THE DIVINE DOGE who has been toying with your fragile mortal souls in this time of impending celebration. I have descended upon your merriment with all the wrath and fire of Grant McCord's intestines after eating 6 pounds of grape nuts from foco. 

Stop your bargaining and pleaing, I have NO MERCY upon your filth and....

WAIT

WHAT IS THAT YOU JUST SAID? 

no, not the part about the damn photobooth the other part 

DOG DAY WILL BE PERFORMING AT THE WINTER CARNIVAL OPENING CEREMONIES?????

OH HECK

This is BIG NEWS YOU FINITE BEINGS I'm so gosh darn excited about this I might have to reinstate winter just to see this INCREDIBLE SPECTACLE..........You have softened my fierce and cold Divine Doge heart. 

I WILL ONLY RETURN TO YOU YOUR PRECIOUS WINTER IF YOU GO SEE DOG DAY AT 6PM IN COLLIS COMMON GROUND TOMORROW. 

I might even belittle myself into my human form to attend this tomorrow wow this is crazy who would have thought improv comedy could open the floodgates of benevolence and repentance in my bitter heart

Thursday. 6pm. 

Do it for the Divine Doge. Save yourselves.

#buysterlingmoonbeer

#freedogdayfromflu

#DDPPT19Wiscomingeventually