I imagine the future to be a dark place. 

In two years time, you may wake up inside of your college-mandated 2’x5’ sleeping cell to a soothing 6am announcement by the AcademicRigor-bot explaining which students are scheduled for mandatory re-education and expulsion. 

You’ll be tired from the night before, where you consumed your maximum 2 units of college-ordained beer-flavored non-alcoholic entertainment beverage, and stayed out all the way until your 9:30pm curfew. “What a crazy night,” you think. 

Looking at the clock, you realize you’re running late for African Drumming, which is now taught in the 7A hour with a C+ median. 

As you lay there, your memory wanders to a simpler, some would say better, time. A time when playing six games of pong didn’t mean you were a burnout. A time when your fraternity wasn’t derecognized, when freshmen could enter a Greek house without fear of a COS hearing, and when you could enjoy a couple of dry martinis with your roommates without receiving a 2-term suspension. 

For those were the halcyon days. That was the Dartmouth we called home. 

So this Saturday, come to Chi Heorot. Partake in libations. Think happy thoughts before thought-crime is made illegal.  Bask in the final, dwindling twilight hours of freedom. And one last time, rage, rage against the dying of the light, for the end is nigh. 

*Open to all Dartmouth students 

*Co-Sponsored by the GLC