However, since it's finals time, we're not gonna start meeting until next term. Don't worry, you won't have to bite the hell out of some kid who stole your spot in the periodicals.
Still, we're allowed to send like two campus wide blitzes per week, and you can bet your ass we're not gonna waste them.
So, to keep your mind shard during finals time, Dartmouth Standup Comics presents...
MATH QUIZ!!
1. 90%=
A. Percentage of pong games Chet wins on a normal night, he's just like off his game right now.
B. Odds that the Board of Trustees actually meets in a skull shaped lair that rises out of Occum Pond.
C. What your insufferable friend actually got on their midterm when they said "OMG I like actually failed ugh".
D. Odds that Brendan Fraser is actually an elaborate prank being played on the general movie going audience, because nobody sucks that much.
2. 203=
A. Number of push ups that Chet can totally do, but he just doesn't really feel like it right now.
B. Number of years Phil Hanlon laid burrowed underground in his chrysalis patiently waiting for his moment to strike.
C. Number of lifelong relationships you have planned based on brief eye contact in the '53 Commons.
D. Number of former directors angrily shaking their fists while brooding over the mistake of casting Brendan Fraser.
3. 6=
A. How many credit cards Chet has had to dispose of after sequences of events that started with "Singles in Your Area Want to Meet You!" ads.
B. How many virgins' blood must be offered up to the Great Canada Goose every day to keep us warm.
C. How many hours the great sword fight between Haratio Dart and Kurpuckerson Mouth lasted before they decided to compromise on the name.
D. How many Oscars the opposite universe version of Brendan Fraser, Nadnerb Resarf, has won.