XH

Saturday

Midnight - 2am

7th Annual Lonely Hearts Club Party

Wear something red. 

Dartmouth, we need to have a talk. You’re lonely. I’ve been on yikyak, and I’m worried. I’m worried that you’ve given up on finding true love, when the reality is, you haven’t been looking in the right places. You haven’t seen the answer, and it’s been right in front of your eyes the whole time. The answer is Chi Heorot. 

“But Heorot, what could you possibly have to offer to reduce my soul-crushing loneliness?"

• DJ Chip (who is single/ready to mingle)
  
• Eligible bachelors and bachelorettes
  
• Warmth and revelry
  
• An excuse to talk to your Friendsy matches
  
• The Dartmouth Decade
  
• Live-action reenactment of “The Notebook”
  
• Experimental robots programmed to feel love
  

“But Heorot, I already found true love!"

Break up at the door, because I literally guarantee you will find your future husband or wife on the dance floor.

“But Heorot, all I want to do is snuggle and watch Netflix on Valentine’s Day!” 

Get off yikyak and come do something meaningful with your life. ​

“But Heorot, I want to drown my loneliness in keystone and hard liquor!”

Well it’s a dry party, so if you’re gonna get wet then do it beforehand. 

“But Heorot, I can’t just ‘find true love’, life is hard!”

Wrong, life is easy.

"Will John Cresap be there?"

I don't know, is Phil Hanlon's mustache the symbol of a generation?

"Don’t give up on love — rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Phil Hanlon, '77