***If I could though, here would be my attempts:

A)  If I could coat myself in swirly colored ice cream (sup inclusivity (not a word- go figure)) and have a team of dogs and cats feast upon me (I'm wearing clothing weirdo), I would be equally as happy

B) If I ran out into the middle of the green naked and said, FREE ME NEPTUNE FROM THE RAVENOUS SEA THAT IS THE OPPRESSION OF MY BOSOM, I would be equally as happy

C) If birds on command would boot nourishment into our mouths (sup phi delt), I would be equally as happy

D) If wine and cheese flowed out of fountains from the underside of the hop and from the office windows of the D (sup amelia), I would be equally as happy

E) If Bowser literally came up to me and said, "You wanna just forget about these plumber idiots and chill if you know what I mean?" (sup mario bro's club) I would be equally as happy

F) If Dean Johnson helped me with my Pease studying (sup fuji), I would be equally as happy

G) If Murphy's turned into a techno-celtic fusion dance club, I would be equally as happy

H) If a cappella groups EVER varied their repertoire, I would be equally as happy (I try not to be a dreamer though)

I) If JCrew and Lou's became the same store and you could take an elevator from JCrew and walk across a hallway on top of that rando office supplies store that inexplicably have a lot of toys in the window but you go in and it's not really a toy stores and then you realize why everyone who is a townie is smarter than all of us because instead of toys they were playing with intellectual stationary games and pens that teach you how to write well or certainly better than the rest of us, seriously I wonder how many townies take writing five compared to the rest of the class ya know?  the percentages must be off the chart…unclear which chart.  I feel like they read more too?  Where was i? Oh yea, and then you'd take the elevator down the other side to land sweetly on a lou's barstool, I would be equally as happy.

J) If David Clossey doesn't screw everything up tonight, I would be equally as happy

K) If Will Lowry takes his shirt off, I would be equally as happy

L) If a cappella groups use our choreography and try to pass it off as their own (sup dahdecs), I would be equally as happy

M) If dance groups use our choreography and try to pass it off as their own (sup sugarplum), I would be equally as happy

N) If any groups use our hairography and try to pass it off as their own (sup sheba), I would be equally as happy

O) is for the only one I see

P) If instead of a class being a mini FSP, a first year trip could be a mini FSP (sup chris), I would be equally as happy

Q) If instead of a class being a mini FSP, you could just take a miniversity class and be on a mini FSP, I would be equally as happy

R) If instead of a class being a mini FSP, you could just Rush a country your sophomore fall and leave Dartmouth, I would be equally as happy

S) If instead of a class being a mini FSP, you could just kill two birds with one hammer.  We're all picturing that now.  That's horrible.  That's all here.

T) If anyone would agree to watch the movie EXAM with me, I would be equally as happy

U) If Nikhil Arora sang a solo, I would be upset.

V) If Robbie Hoffman and Corey Vann sing a duet, I would probably not come to the show…I still might…I would be equally as happy

W) If I didn't have to pull at least one all nighter this week, I would be equally as happy

X) If all of spring term was just senior week, I would be equally as happy

Y) If I am devoid of ALL RESPONSIBILITY in just three short weeks, I would be equally as happy

Z)If this is my last campus blitz from the Aires, I would be equally as happy.